who's looking up to you?

today, after dropping of a high school junior or senior at home after church i realized that just about anyone who can read this has someone younger who they have some measure of responsibility for. i, and the other guys like me in their mid to late 20s, have something to teach or demonstrate to him and others like him.

still not sure i can get used to being called "sir" but i guess it's a Southern thing.

"in all your ways acknowledge Him"

you might recognize this from the Bible, Proverbs 3:5,6. i've loved these verses for a long time, ever since my grandmother pointed them out to me in one of my first letters in California. it was one of those rare moments when you see a grandparent's soul and it was beautiful.

i was trying to practice Lectio Divina, a method of meditation, on the way home from work yesterday and this stood out to me. the theory is that the Spirit will bring certain words to the forefront that speak to your current situation.i know it sounds like it could just as easily be your own thoughts, perhaps so. explaining the Spirit to people who don't understand is tough.

i think that i need practice these words more right now especially since i'm trying hard to meet obligations and starting to fail more frequently. part of it is overcomittment, but part of it is a general feeling of weakness. there is just so much to do that sometimes i just don't do anything.

well, now to practice what i'm talking about.

getting ready for National Novel Writing Month

as some know, i'm giving this a go. i'll be using an old blogger setup that i never did use. tonight i got ready by adding some info to my profile and doing some of the setup work.

i can't say i have much ready in my mind. i'll start with a defining moment in the main character's life and go from there i think.

oh... that blog site? here it is.

the dreaded subculture (cue the Jaws music)

so i've been asking myself this morning if the terrible Christian subculture that so many of my peers talk about is something that helps us as a concept. it does help to categorize thoughts and ideals on some level. that's why it has become so popular.

but does it really help us live our lives? i'm less sure about that. in my personal experience, i find a tendency to reject things out of hand because they come from that grouping, sometimes to my loss.

i'll probably talk about it on relevant sometime soon. i need some other brains to think this one over with.

busy times

i'll be a bit absent online or perhaps more active this week. my folks are in town and i have meetings the first three days of the week. this could mean i'll be running like crazy or it could mean i'll be sitting through some pretty boring stuff and multi-tasking online. guess we'll see what happens.

random things i think you should learn to appreciate

blues - come on. what style of music has that unique cool feel that just oozes calm confidence and recognizes how hard life is sometimes.

jazz - i'll admit not all jazz is for me but get somebody up on stage with some energy and i'm sold. watch the mad skills (can i even say that phrase without people laughing?)as each performer gets a chance to shine during extended solos. get a good audience and everyone is cheering them on.

insects - sure they're gross and get everywhere we don't want them to but can you really fathom what you're swatting? somehow there's a whole system of life packaged in a tiny, fragile exoskeleton. amazing.

and we embrace the tension

tonight, due to message board ramblings, i'm pondering matters of social welfare, politics and the sorry state that many find themselves in. it swirls together with tinges of personal regret and lament as i listen to a preview of Sleeping at Last's song "Ghosts."

it's at times like this when my melancholy becomes most pronounced but i realize that it's a melancholy i carry with me. so many people i strongly disagree with yet love as brothers and sisters. so many people hurting who need help. so many seeking for rest. i cannot care for them all but my nature compells me to. perhaps it's melodramatic or skewed. all i know is that it's my mind sometimes.

hmm

women are a mystery to me sometimes... ok, many times.

was that a signal or not? did those words have a double meaning or am i reading my own thoughts into them?

but, all that said. i'm learning to appreciate the mystery of it all. it's something my grandfather touched on a ways back--the fact that much of the mystery in relationships is stripped away nowdays. and though he could hardly have been thinking in terms of the electronic age, i'm inclined to agree.it's easy for me to want to try to have the facts altogether and then be sure of the answer ahead of time.

there's a great joy though in that moment of fear and trepidation. "will she say, 'yes'?" "just who is she really?" "could it ever work out?" it doesn't always end well. i've asked one person and was denied later that week. you can tell when your request catches someone off gaurd. still, that moment when the words are out of your mouth and all that's left to do is wait, that moment should be prized. that moment when you look at someone you find attractive and just have no clue what's going to happen next ... wow.

i hope that my sister and other female friends i have can appreciate some part of this mystery too. i'm not sure what part of the relationship holds it for them. maybe they have a better grasp than men on those times of wonder. i don't know. if i did, i suppose that would ruin the mystery wouldn't it?

craziness

what a crazy, compelling life. it seems that each day i'm on the verge of pulling my hair out and by God's grace it feels ok, maybe even good. it's just great to feel truly alive even though so much is out of my control.

songs you'd like to be able to play for someone

i make my best effort to trust God and remain content in my singless but now and again i hit those songs that remind me that i'm ready to move beyond this point. Snow Patrol's "Run" comes to mind now but there are plenty of others out there.

ha, i'll just have to make sure that whoever she is she doesn't mind an eclectic mix of melancholy mix.